Things happen and keep on happening, sometimes you just feel so helpless being carried away by the flow or the rush of events. Your heart is alive but your mind is dead, nothing's left of you, slowly you're burning to ashes by this sweet agony. You feel strong at some instants, the clever smile and the proud smirk lighting up your silly face but still you just don't want to surrender yourself... maybe it's the fear that is inherent to your acts and thoughts.
I don't know the meaning to this whole mess, maybe its a lie or maybe its the truth but i still have hope that someday i will know the answer. Sincerely and truly I've never in such a state before. I should be calling myself an emotional derelict, a turmoil of feelings! I'm right at the edge of falling or is it that i have already fallen?? The question to ask is whether im falling to newer heights or if falling to my own inner darkness. If so is the game, i'm ready to make the gamble, as i say only one life, not a unique chance but only one right try.
What makes things different for me? I can't quite say but for the least i can try. Have you ever been wondering about someone you can never have? That doesn't feel great... at all i guess. The bittersweet echoes of your heart, the warmth of finally finding that one special person who makes you feel the world is actually going round the sun, the coldness of the distance that exists between your two worlds. What a wonderful and yet hurtful time to have. Actually, no one will tell me which side takes over but surely each one does every other time.
There are some of these afternoons when you just want to sit down and have a break crying all the time you can tolerate and take the pain straight out of your brain. There are some of these nights when you feel cold and you hoped that she'd be by your side just to tell you how her day was and you'd completely forget about the surroundings being totally immersed in her pearly eyes. Men sometimes too, want and need to have that feeling of belonging, feeling close to someone, having a stupid grin remembering a few seconds you spent together. Does this sound wrong? Answer me, yes you, the one who's always there chanting words of love to my sub-conscious being.
A day without you is probably a life i haven't lived, a minute with you is a dream i will not forget even if i go crazy insane ... wait i'm already about you. I smile thinking of you and your silly gaze. I sometimes feel the weight in my throat when you tell me about him, my eyelids getting heavier not to cry but to forget and take me there with you. Is it on death row you have put me? Forever waiting before being sadly being executed, taking my life and soul. Do you think i even have a soul? Or has it been yours right from the beginning. You are the devil my dearest, and i want to stay in hell for the rest of my life.
My words are random but they are just those of a poor man who only thinks of things that probably won't ever be true, just mere fantasies and unspeakable happiness. I'm so afraid to lose you when you're not even mine, is this the same for you? I have doubts, maybe you do too, perfect is what we are together and perfection does not come alone. I don't think I'm alone in this dilemma, in this horrendous torture. I know it shouldn't happen but its just irrepressible attraction.
I've seen you smile, I've seen you cry. I've heard the laughs, I've tasted the tears. I've been there watching, feeling so close and yet so far. You knew i was right at your side, that i was there to help, to try to make that person, you are better. A person having a life she wanted or not. Answer that too... have i come too late? have i come too early? should i just leave and never come back? don't ask me to take a step back, i will just fade and fade until i completely die out like a candle blown by the wind.
The time of the day says you'll be mine... Let it be, I'll be right here waiting.
